I'm considering going back to playing in Adrian Empire. I need something in my life to focus on besides my family and work. I think home work and I would all be better off for it. Admittedly Adrian is possibliy a cop out choice. Because it is my comfort zone. It's something I enjoyed before I got pregnant. It doesn't cost a lot of money except gas money to get down there and $30 a year.
Two down sides:
1) I burnt some bridges when I left. Are they repairable or would it renew stress and hurt that had been buried and take too much out of something that should be fun.
2) I know Josh and Chrissy would not be thrilled for me to start playing. Chrissy puts the people in the game in this little box that she doesn't want to deal with and I think she may be disappointed in my regression if I went back. With Josh I don't know exactly how he will feel, but I know it wouldn't be a positive feeling. He wouldn't want to participate. He thinks the game is weird. Wouldn't want me driving that far and spending that much of the day without us. Even though he would just be sitting in front of the computer while we were home anyway. He doesn't feel the same need to feel connected to the outside world.
I emailed someone in the game last Saturday, looking to find out the lay of the land. But I have not heard back. Perhaps a sign?
If I don't rejoin Adrian, when I desperately need to find something else. Perhaps a beginners sewing class. Problems: Need a sewing machine that actually works - $200 at least. And classes won't be cheap either. I'm thinking at least $300 total start up and then materials and supplies for that new hobby.
But a class wouldn't necessarily make me friends. Not that the game would either, but there would be more social interaction within the game. More of a chance to let loose and not be myself.
I just need to take action, and not just think about it. In this I'm creating my own cage, I know. Take the first step and let the chips fall. I feel trapped in the things I need to do (keep up this household duties, keeping the finances in orde) before I can move into the things I would like to do.
- writing 2/19