Searching for my inner Lost Girl....

I could only imagine the adventures she’s had without me.

Aspergers syndrome
Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Weekend "musts"
I figure every weekend I will pick a few mini goals that I will consider need to happen. Unlike the monthly goals, where I have a little flexibility, since these are short term goals, I will consider them mandatory. Some may deal with the larger goals while others have to go do with immediate issues. I will check back in on Mondays and wrap up and a name any other accomplishments.

1. Do a trial run of the Double Tomato Bruschetta
2. Take a walk with Elisabeth
3. Go through cabinet and declutter
4. Clean out car

writing 1/30
I have so many things I want to do this year. At the moment the ideas are one jumbles mess in my head. It seems that I should come up with a list, them put when in order which will make them most accomplishable. For instant I would love to be able to do more creative projects with my daughter, but the lack of space and organization in the house, doesn't leave a lot of room, both physically and time-wise. But I contine to vist blogs and websites that fill be up with ideas requiring more purchases and more stuff! LOL

Perhaps if I write them all down I can come up with a system.

I would like to do more creative projects.
I would like to put bookshelves in the living room and bedroom.
I would like to put closet orgainzers in Elisabeth's closet
I would like closet doors for her room and mine.
I would like to declutter the house and decide what it really needed.
I would like a place for all the sewing supplies.
I would like a new sewing machine that works.
I would like to oraganizer all the finances.
I would like to make our gifts when appropriate.
I would like to stay on top of the cleaning and laundry.
I would like to organize my time better.
I would like the strength to get up and turn off the television.

That there would be the first step. Choose the few shows that are a must (Heroes, Lost, Ugly Betty and EM:Home Edition) and turn off the television and get off the couch. This is a good start to organizing my time between 8pm (when Elisabeth goes to bed) and 11pm (when I should be getting ready for bed).

This way I can move to cleaning and laundry. If I declutter and get rid of stuff we don't need, then I can make room for the things on the list that I want. Then if I buy the organizational projects, like the closet organizers and the bookcases, more things will have a home. If Ieverything has a home then I will spend less time cleaning. If the house is clean I will have a better frame of mind and time for the fun things I would like to do with Elisabeth.

Sounds so simple doesn't it? LOL

writing 1/29 - 25 things about me
1. I have Goldenhar Syndrome - it's a congenital birth defect that causes incomplete development on one side of the body, in particular the face. I was immediately sent for surgery within hours of my birth and I have very limited sight and hearing on my right side.

2. After a lot of research, I have a sneaky suspicion that I may also have Aspergers Syndrome, but have not been diagnosed due to the fact that it didn't come on the books until 1994 and adults (and women in particular) are hard to diagnose due to years of self-taught coping skills.

3. I could have had lots of cosmetic surgery over my lifetime to look more "normal" but at the age of 12 I chose not to go down that path. I've never seriously regretted it, though at times it has made my life difficult. If I couldn't accepted myself as I am, who else would.

4. My obsession with musicals probably started when I was 5 or 6 when I used to watch Shirley Temple movies on TV Sunday mornings.

5. My Shirley Temple obsession also led to years of tap dance lessons.

6. When I was a child some of the things I wanted to be when I "grew up" was an actress, a librarian and a "cartoon character".

7. I loved the 80's version of the Chipmunks and the Chipettes and have no interest in seeing the live-action/CGI version that came out recently. Simon and Jeanette were my favorites.

8. My life could have taken a very different path if my parents had gone through with moving to Mt. Pleasant when I was 10, instead of deciding to stay in South Lyon.

9. I had a dream as a teen that as an adult I would live in NYC work for a magazine and have a little dark haired girl. It's funny that I achieved all three goals, a just in a little different manner.

10. I really didn't see art as my future career until my mom convinced me to take art classes in high school.

11. I've gotten one physical fight in my life, after lunch in 6th grade. Since the girl was in my band class afterwards I tried to hide in the band practice room for half of the class until I gave up and came out. I don't think anyone noticed - including the teacher. Ironically the girl and I are now friends on facebook.

12. I think the best part of high school was hanging out on the school stage before school started.

13. I fully believe that I participated in a seance in high school where actual spirits made themselves known. And I had the burnt hair to prove it.

14. I was a drama kid in high school - Thespian Troupe 1231.

15. I actually was in a sorority in college - Kappa Delta. I know it totally blows your image of me. But it was fun and filled a gap in my life when my family moved out of state.

16. I did an internship my senior year of college in NYC at Interview Magazine which was a magazine created by Andy Warhol. During that time I got the chance to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade in person, which I got to check off my "bucket" list.

17. The fictional character I most Identify with is Eponine from Les Miserables. Until I met my husband, her life seemed to be a reoccurring theme in my life.

18. One of my other "bucket" list items is to spend a month writing a "great" novel on Prince Edward Island channeling L.M. Montgomery.

19. I moved to Florida after college, because the thought of living in Nashville freaked me out. My parents didn't think I would last down here 6 months - ironically I've been living here 13 years.

20. I spent my twenties living in my own personal NeverNeverland refusing to grow up.

21. Until I was pregnant, I could drink all my friends under the table.

22. I met my husband Josh at a alternative music night club through mutual friends

23. I'm not afraid to admit that Josh and have been married 5 years this month and my daughter will be 5 in April (Do the math people.)

24. My daughter is my serendipity.

25. I firmly believe that life finds a way to give you what you "need," regardless of what you think you "want."

writing 1/28
One of my goals for February is to write for at least 15 minutes a day. No rules. The point is just to flex my writing skills and to put down some memories in hopes of coming up with some material for a personal memoir I would like to write along the way. Grammar and syntax are not important at this stage, so please disregard any errors.


Elisabeth threw a fit this morning about clothes. She had on black leggings with pink polka dots and the off white "fabulous" shirt I bought to go with it. But she refused to wear the skirt that went with it. That would not necessarily be a problem, but all the other skirts she wanted to pick did not match at all. It's funny that when I was a child I would hyper match my clothes to a point that drove my mother nuts. My greens had to exactly match - no blue-greens with yellow-greens. It's amazing how Elisabeth and I are at the exact opposite ends of the spectrum in that regard. Although she is just like her momma in regard to dresses. I was as obsessed with dresses as she is.


My hope for the year is to become more active in my life and not so much staring at the TV. I don't think it's good for me. And it is definitely not good for Elisabeth. She is much better behaved when the TV has been taken away. And not just because she wants it back. Her mood and verbal skills seem to improve when the television is off. So more creative projects for us.


Creative projects will help is saving money, as well, as I plan to make more of our gifts to ourselves and others, whenever possible. I need to get on my niece Cailyn's gift, if I want to get it out before her birthday. I don't know if I will get the chance to make Elisabeth's dollhouse this year, but I hope so. I need a place to make it. But for February I will focus on at least getting the stockings done for once and for all.

Elisabeth is coming along quite nicely in regards to reading. I hope that she will be quite ahead starting Kindergarten. I really don't think there is a major problem with keeping a child ahead if it is within their ability. She has got to be able to keep up with these 6 year olds that should have been in Kindy last year with all the rampage "red-shirting" that is going on in this country.

10 Goals for February 2009
I've decided that each month, before it starts, that I'm going to make a list of 10 goals I would like to accomplish or work towards that month. The purpose is not to hold myself to achieving them all perfectly, but to see what I can accomplish by making myself accountable, if only to myself. Each month I will make a new list, which may contains all or some or none of the prior months goals, based on what I feel is needed at the time. Some things may fall off the list because they are done, or because I no longer need the reminder because they are routine. Some may obtain a permanent spot on the list. I have divided the list into categories for the sole purpose of easy reference. Categories are also subject to change.

February Goal List.
1. stick to a routine/follow flylady
2. clean dry cleaning clothes (whole pile!)
3. Keep up with finances and bills

4. embroider while watching tv
5. finish at least one project
6. buy once classic book for Elisabeth and inspiration sketchbooks for both of us.
7. write 15 minutes a day
8. art and craft time with Elisabeth on Saturday mornings.

healthy living
9. drink less soda
10. take a walk once a week with Elisabeth

(no subject)
Your Existing Situation

Orderly, methodical, and self-contained. Needs the respect, recognition, and understanding of those close to him.

Your Stress Sources

Eager to make a good impression, but worried and doubtful about the likelihood of succeeding. Feels that she has a right to anything she might hope for, and becomes helpless and distressed when circumstances go against her. Finds the mere possibility of failure most upsetting and this can even lead to nervous prostration. Sees herself as a 'victim' who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince herself that her failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to make a favorable impression and be rewarded as a special personality. Is therefore constantly on the watch to see whether she is succeeding in this and how others are reacting to her. this makes her feel that she is in control. Uses tactics cleverly in order to obtain influence and special recognition. Susceptible to the esthetic or original.

Your Actual Problem

Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This feeling of powerlessness subjects her to agitation and acute distress. She attempts to escape into a substitute world in which things are more nearly as she desires them to be.

Your Actual Problem #2

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, and she is distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationship. She attempts to escape into a substitute world in which things are more nearly as she desires them to be. Erin took the free personality test!

"Wants to make a favorable impression and be reward..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Holely mother of goodness, that was WAY more accurate then I expected it to be....scary

(no subject)
20 Years Ago, I... I was finishing my freshman year of high school

15 Years Ago, I... in college finishing my sophomore year

10 Years Ago, I... living with Jen in Florida broken up with Billy for less than a year - it was a lonely time.....

5 Years Ago, I... I had just started dating my now-husband, slowly breaking away from Adrian Empire and that group of friends.

2 Years Ago, I... married, had 2-yo and was starting a new phase of my work career.

1 Year Ago, I... married, had a 3-yo and in the same desk I'm in now at work.

So far this year, I've... visited Conn. for the first time and saw REAL snow for the first in about 13 years, started an new internet phase of my job at work, started digi-scrapbooking

Last Week, I... didn't do much outside the norm.

Yesterday, I... started writing in my lj again a long break.

Today, I... went to work and not feeling very motivated

Tomorrow, I... will hopefully feel more motivated and get things done.

(no subject)
INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Searching for my inner Lost Girl…
One would think that my life is filled with fantasy due to the fact that my daughter is a self-proclaimed “princess” and my husband duels with dragons in online games. But despite the fact that my home life drips with “fairytales” and “adventure”, somewhere along the line I became trapped within the realities of being.

When exactly did I exchange Charles de Lint for Suze Oman? Why exactly did I turn in my renaissance garb for a set of china I never use? How exactly did I lose myself in all of this? And where did I go?

One cannot say, “That’s just what happens when you get married and have a kid”. I know women who bring their families along to the ride as they continue to pursue the activities or hobbies they enjoy. Other women seem satisfied to grow into this new self, shedding their old life with ease. Yet I have managed to do neither.

Maybe I spent too much of my 20’s in my own personal Neverland, refusing to grow up. An unexpected pregnancy thrust me out into the real world pretty quick. For a while I was content to explore this new adventure. But lately I have been looking for my shadow, not unlike Peter Pan, missing my beloved past times and adventures. A shadow of my former self.

I know my shadow’s name – “Bridgett”. She is the general of armies and a soulful poet. She takes up her pen for the cause and dances as a way of life. Bridgett’s not perfect – she’s moody, irrational, and prone to releasing the waterworks and has a wee bit of a temper. But her purity makes her lovable to all that know her. She giggles behind her hand and blushes at risqué jokes. She’s shy with strangers and tends to hide behind the person she trusts.

With all these qualities, there is one thing that binds it all together – Bridgett’s romantic notions. One would think romantic notions lie best in the hands of an adult – and are beyond the comprehension of a lost girl. But unlike lost boys, lost girls thrive on romantic make-believe, the happy ever afters, after the pirate or dragon have been slain. Not a dainty princess, but a heroine in her own right.

Give Bridgett a rose - her world turns upside down. If anything were Bridgett’s kryptonite it would be the illusion of a chivalrous gallant. Such a person would have more control over our fair damsel then he could ever imagine.

What an extraordinary lost girl this shadow is. I miss her dearly. Perhaps she found her way back to Neverland, playing pirates with Captain Hook. Maybe she’s living in my daughter’s bedroom playing peek-a-boo with all the build-a-bears. I could only imagine the adventures she’s had without me.


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